Happy. Sad. Proud. Scared.
Mostly happy.
I spent the last three years praying for this moment to arrive, to qualify, to be a nurse. But now as I sit here and reflect on what has been the best and worst time of my life, I can see how much I will miss everything about my training.
Four years ago I set the ball in motion to return to Uni. I never thought I'd be able to have another crack at a career, I assumed I'd be selling houses for the rest of my life; not that there's anything wrong with that, it just wasn't for me. When I accepted my place I still didn't think I'd ever get there. How could I afford it? How could I study for three years at my age? How could I care for other people when I could barely care for myself? But off I went and here I am.
It's been a ridiculously hard three years. I remember during one of our first lectures we were discussing 'health' and we were asked if we felt healthy. I said that I did, around 95%. I don't feel healthy anymore, in fact most days I feel half dead.
I had to work through my course in a local pub to pay my way through Uni, this meant that some weeks, when I was on placement I could be working 60-70 hours a week, getting in from the pub at 1am and waking up for an early shift at 6am, working seven days a week for months on end. I'm not saying this because I want sympathy it's just a fact, something I had to do to reach my goal. I don't regret it and never will but I wasn't eating healthy, not getting anything like enough sleep and now I'm paying the price. But I can turn it round, I'm starting to sleep better, I will rejoin the gym and I will get healthy again.
Being a student nurse meant that I had to be able to adapt quickly to change. I could go from one seven week placement to another with nothing much of a gap in between. I'd be working with new teams of people all the time, having to prove myself and getting to know folk. It's like I have had nine different jobs in three years... and I have loved every minute.
I have met and worked with some of the nicest and caring people many of who I'm glad to be able to call friends and I will miss them all very much. I have had some wonderful mentors, each one has been kind and taught me so much about this wonderful profession and I can't thank them all enough.
I have made some lifelong friends during my time at uni, and met a few I hope to never see again, but that's life and it's nice to see how we have all grown over the duration of the course into young professionals looking for our first jobs.
My mom, dad and husband have been wonderful, not only helping me financially but, more importantly, emotionally. I wouldn't be writing this if it wasn't for their time, love and patience.
Sitting here it still feels weird, thinking I have two days left of my last placement. One week left of Uni and it's all but over. And off I go into the big bad world, ready to earn a decent living again and hopefully be the kind of nurse I hope I can be. I don't know where this new path will lead me and what I will face along the way, all I know is starting my training was the best thing I could have ever done. It's had it's up's and down's, I've laughed, I've cried, I've been stressed out, freaked out, called a bastard, called wonderful, been shit on, spat on, punched, kicked, kissed and hugged and the truth is, I wouldn't change a single thing.
Student nurse Bray-Cotton has left the building...
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