In A Lonely Place

When I decided to go back to university I knew a lot would change, I knew I would have to give things up and I knew I'd lose things along the way. I never expected one of those things to be my social network.

Before I went back into education I was out with friends most weekends and we would often do things together in the week. I had money then and I could afford to spend a little and have a good time. Over the last two years I have been short on money and short on time and slowly but surely I have become a recluse. OK that maybe a little dramatic but back at the start of my course friends would ask me if I wanted to do something, 9 times out of 10 I had to say no, either because I was broke or because I was too tired.

As well as Uni I now work 32 hours a week including Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday and Monday night with another night shift mid week. Doing these hours has allowed me a little more money to myself but I don't go anywhere to spend it. My friends have moved on, they have found another group that want to go out every weekend, that are still fun and up for a laugh to the point now where I seldom get asked out anywhere. I can't say I blame them, people can only hear no so often and it's only natural that they will stop asking and be bored of hearing the same tired excuses. But even though I can't go out on a particular occasion it's still nice to be asked, to feel part of the group again.

This week it's one of my best mates 30th's, he has gone out with a big group tonight. I can't lie and pretend it doesn't hurt that I can't be there because it does but I know it's my fault.

The fact is I'm at work at ten in the morning and I'm really tired. He is going out for a meal on Wednesday as thats his actual birthday, I can't go as I'm working and cannot have ANOTHER night off. This makes me feel like crap because I wanna be there for him as he was for mine!

At the end of this three years having worked really hard I will have given up weekends away, holidays, nights out, laughs with best friends and I know it will have been worth it, I will be a fully qualified nurse.

But at what cost?